WWE WrestleMania 34 Match Ratings And Podcast Notes From Sean Ross Sapp

Rating guide

10- Perfect, 9- Excellent, 8- Great, 7- Good, 6- Above Average, 5- Average, 4- Slightly below average, 3 or below: Poor
Each match starts at a 5 and slides up and down based on entertainment, execution, time, environment, reaction and stakes. The ratings are in no way an indication of a "star rating," which is a completely different system.
 

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal
Matt Hardy wins
3/10

• No surprise entrants, but Baron Corbin, Kane, Matt Hardy, Dolph Ziggler, Mojo Rawley and Tye Dillinger are some favorites.
• Goldust dabbed and is wearing polka dots.
• Despite being announced for it, Elias isn't in this match.
• A little bit of continuity as Mojo Rawley eliminates Zack Ryder while he goes for a Broski Boot.
• A COMMERCIAL.
• Kane starts tossing fools out. He eliminated about a half dozen guys, then Corbin sends him packing,
• WWE production is trash in this, per usual.
• Matt Hardy is about to be eliminated by Mojo and Baron Corbin, but Bray Wyatt shows up. He tosses out Mojo!
• That was one goddamn impressive End of Days from Corbin to Wyatt.
• Wyatt helped Hardy win! They pose together at the end of the match.
• Why not have the cruisers in this match too?
• The match went about 15:45.

WWE Cruiserweight Championship Tournament Finals
Cedric Alexander defeated Mustafa Ali to become WWE Cruiserweight Champion
6.25/10

• Mustafa's gear is great.
• Stop with the goddamn zooms when they hit the ropes. Vic Joseph also has been WWE'd, and screams "OH!" all the time,
• Some great, standard Cruiserweight Championship level action early on, with Cedric hitting a tope con hilo.
• Cedric hits one of the biggest back body drops I've ever seen. A Spanish Fly hits for Cedric, but he rolls away after physically landing on Ali. Ali one ups Cedric with a top rope version for two.
• A really good spike rana and tornado DDT land and Ali connects with an Imploding 450, but Cedric gets his foot on the ropes. Ali misses when he tries again.
• They're slugging it out and a Lumbar Check hits for a three count. Pretty solid match. This wasn't more than I'd expect from a 205 Live main event, though. I think they oversold the heart vs. soul thing.
• 12:20 is the time.

WrestleMania Women's Battle Royal
Naomi wins, last eliminating Bayley
3.25/10

• Paige is out for commentary and says "hopefully next year" to being in the match
• It's a shame that there wasn't enough time for a Sasha/Bayley singles match this year. I guess they couldn't fit it in with the 35 minutes of video packages and talking to kick it off. 
• Lots of NXT names in this battle royal, including Bianca, Dakota Kai, Peyton Royce, Taynara Conti, Kairi Sane. Oh shit Kavita Devi, this thing is getting about 245 million Youtube views. Kavita has more upside than Jinder. No Billie Kay. She's only wrestled tag team matches since November.
• Carmella and Dana Brooke both get eliminated.
• What an awkward start to this match. It becomes NXT vs. main roster. Tanyara and Kavita are garbage, but Bianca hits a good 450.
• Yeesh, some of these girls shouldn't be in here when you have people like Nikki Cross on the payroll.
• I loved the Riott Squad elimination of Conti. Kicked the shit out of her. Dakota Kai has to wait around on people to eliminate her.
• Becky Lynch eliminated. Didn't even make it to the final 7.
• This is the best Riott Squad have looked in their entire run. They kick Peyton Royce for an elimination while she tries to rana Sarah.
• Natalya taunts in the middle of the match for some reason. Shit is so dumb. She gets eliminated.
• Becky and Sasha team up and eliminate Riott Squad. Bayley then eliminates Sasha, but Naomi reappears and eliminates Bayley.
• Under the rope horseshit is cheap.
• This finishes in just under ten minutes.

WWE Intercontinental Championship
Seth Rollins defeated The Miz (c) and Finn Balor to become WWE Intercontinental Champion
7/10

• Miz sends the Miztourage to the back.
• An early tope con hilo for Balor. People are gonna watch back this WrestleMania in 20 years and be even more annoyed than we are that John Cena is all over every match.
• These guys play the hits, and that's not really a bad thing. Rollins does the Jay Lethal suicide dives. Rollins also sells the hell out of a DDT from Miz after he and Balor trade Slingblades.
• Miz locks in a Figure Four on Balor, but Rollins comes off the top onto Miz with a frog splash. The derpy production stopped the replay halfway through. 
• Balor counters the Buckle Bomb outside with a Slingblade and hits that dumb front dropkick. Back inside he and Rolllins get in a frickin' kickfight until Balor gets 1916.
• A callback to the Balor-Rollins finish with a small package on Rollins, then Miz gets Skull Crushing Finale for two.
• A big Skull Crushing Finale from the top rope on Rollins gets broken up by a Coup De Grace from Balor. Another hits, but Rollins Curb Stomps Balor. Rollins wins!
• Seth Rollins has now won a match at all five WrestleMania shows in which he's competed.
• 15:30 is the time.

WWE Smackdown Women's Championship
Charlotte (c) defeated Asuka to retain her Championship
8/10

• Wonder whose WWE documentary we'll see this footage in in 2028 for someone who is portraying a spartan. Great. star-worthy entrance for Charlotte. I love the callback to the Triple H entrance Charlotte was a part of.
• There were originally no real plans to bring Asuka up, which is a true testament to her ability that she's in a championship match at WrestleMania.
• I really think it hurts the match when a couple of wrestlers have a great series of holds, counters, reversals, and the first strike that lands all the announcers in unison scream "OH," Either way, Charlotte is on her game early.
• Charlotte moonsaults into an  Asuka triangle choke but it is turned into a Boston Crab and a couple of pin attempts.
• "HARDEST PART OF THE RING!"
• Asuka superplexes Charlotte off the ring apron to the floor!
• CHARLOTTE DID A GODDAMNED SPANISH FLY
• Asuka rolls through Natural Selection and applies an Octopus Stretch. Asuka kicks her way out of a Figure Four and tries to apply an Asuka Lock that almost gets her pinned. 
• Huge spear from Charlotte, Asuka taps out to the Figure 8!!!! 
• Why does Asuka scream everything?
• 13 minutes
• A ref comes out and yells to Cena, who runs backstage. Could have done that Cena stuff at the end of the U.S. title match and given whoever won it a reason to attack Cena in the future.

WWE United States Championship Match
Jinder Mahal (w/ Sunil Singh) defeated Rusev (w/ Aiden English), Bobby Roode and Randy Orton (c)
5.5/10

• Guys Aiden English literally SHAVED HIS HEAD BACKSTAGE. He had hair in the battle royal. Fantastic.
• Some solid work, but it's mainly the guys playing the hits with way less down time. 
• Huge Rusev Day chants, but Singh allows Jinder Mahal to hit Khallas on Rusev for the win.
• Much better than Roode vs. Orton would have been, and still mediocre
• Just over 8 minutes.

Backstage Crappenings

• There's a Fashion Police and Mick Foley segment. Snickers commercial.
• Hall of Famers. Oh Goldberg's suit is definitely gonna have some burn holes in it.

Ronda Rousey & Kurt Angle defeated Stephanie McMahon and Triple H
9.5/10

• Well, hard to imagine they'll do American Badass with Stephanie and Triple H filling the biker quota.
• It's great to see Angle back on this stage, soaking it up.
• Ronda Rousey wearing Piper inspired gear. Looks in incredible shape.
• Stephanie takes a few cheap shots at Rousey and Kurt has to hold Ronda back. Good start.
• Solid work from Triple H and Angle, with Stephanie being a shit heel. Triple H uses his signature spinebuster.
• Shades of last year's WrestleMania as HHH almost accidentally hits Stephanie. Steph replies by pulling Rousey off the apron. 
• Rousey gets the tag and goes nuts. A big clothesline and a roll, and huge punches. Stephanie McMahon sold a body shot as well as anyone I've seen in wrestling this year besides Dan Severn.
• Stephanie McMahon fighting out of a Rousey armbar takes me out of it a little bit. She hits a good DDT, though.
• Rousey hits her Samoan drop. How does production miss that entire move? There was NOTHING else to focus on.
• Triple H yanks Rousey out of the ring, and throws Kurt Angle over tables.
• Rousey wants to fight Triple H! The ref won't allow it, but HHH forces him. Rousey beats the breaks off of him! Corey Graves playing the part of Triple H's Edmond was GREAT.
• Rousey by god picks up HHH on her shoulders, but Steph pulls him off. Rousey gives chase but gets posted.
• Triple H and Angle do battle in the ring! HHH kicks out of an Olympic Slam. He puts Stephanie in an ankle lock, but gets Pedigreed. Rousey breaks it up!
• Rousey counters a Pedigree into a rana and applies an armbar!! Stephanie comes up behind and applies a RNC. Rousey reverses it and puts on the armbar while Angle has the Ankle lock on. Triple H sends Angle into Rousey. 
• In stereo Pedigrees reversed again. Stephanie is begging. It's over! Armbar!.
• Yeah, Ronda Rousey is gonna do just fine after MMA.
• 20:40 is the time. 

WWE Smackdown Tag Team Championships
Bludgeon Brothers defeated New Day (w/ Xavier Woods) and The Usos (c) to become new champions
6.25/10

• New Day have pancake themed little people.
• Kofi immediately gets Trouble in Paradise on an Uso, but the Bludgeons pull him out and kick everyone's ass, Xavier Woods included. He gets powerbombed into the ring post. 
• The action is fast, furious, and really good. Uso Splash on Harper doesn't win the match, so superkicks get handed out.
• Rowan stops a double suicide dive, but eats a double suplex outside.
• I hereby nominate Erick Rowan for WrestleMania MVP for stopping a Tower of Doom spot.
• Rowan hits one of the best release powerbombs I've seen. It's followed up by a Superbomb from Harper. Good match.
• Just under six minutes for this one.

The Undertaker defeated John Cena
SQUASH

• John Cena comes out, but The Undertaker doesn't follow. Instead, it's Elias. 
• This ends predictably. Elias sings a song and Cena beats him up. 
• Cena leaves, and Undertaker's hat, coat and gloves are in the ring and lightning strikes them. He's back.
• Cena bumping a half hour early on the big boot, and Taker goes through all of his offense until Cena reverses a chokeslam. 
• Taker sits up and scares Cena, and hits the chokeslam!
• Tombstone. Squash!
• I'm really hoping this leads to a John Cena who is afraid he's lost it, and starts gaining a little bit of an edge in order to keep up. 
• I won't complain about an unadvertised Undertaker squash match.
• I guess since Undertaker retired he just goes around beating shit out of fans who pay thousands of dollars to sit front row.
• 2:46 is the count.

Daniel Bryan & Shane McMahon defeated Sami Zayn & Kevin Owens
6.5/10

• If Owens and Zayn win, they will be rehired to SmackDown.
• The Daniel Bryan entrance showcases how big the "Yes Movement" was. It's amazing to see him back. What a huge shot in the arm.
• Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn attack from behind. Bryan eats a Helluva Kick and a powerbomb to the apron and is taken out.
• KO and Zayn battle back and they're hitting him right in the diverticulitis.
• So many dumbass camera cuts. Shane lands strikes and a big flying back elbow. Shane McMahon using Steve Blackman's finish is truly going full circle
• Shane McMahon gets Coast to Coast on Zayn, but Owens with a Bullfrog Splash. DANIEL BRYAN MAKES THE SAVE!!
• Bryan is a house of fire. All his spots. Backflip, dropkicks, missile dropkick. One of the goddamndest super frankensteiners ever.
• Owens holds Bryan's leg, but a Helluva kick can't finish DB off! Owens then superkicks Shane into the barricade. Pop up powerbomb is good for 2 on Bryan too.
• Yes kicks, big knee, Yes Lock on Zayn get the win!
• Bryan kisses Brie after the match.
• 15:25 is the length.

WWE Raw Women's Championship
Nia Jax defeated Alexa Bliss (c) (w/ Mickie James) to become champion
5.75/10

• This should be a squash, and Nia kills Mickie James REAL PROPER.
• Nia Jax beats the living shit out of Alexa too. Hair whips and a press slam. Alexa tries to leave and gets RUNNED IN TO.
• Alexa works over Jax and does a pretty cool stomp with the aid of the ropes. 
• Twisted Bliss to the outside on Nia. Beautiful move. 
• Bliss feigns regret and DDTs Nia, but Jax's kickout was lazy. As is much of Nia's offense. 
• Alabamaslam for Nia, and that one looked good. Her screaming "I loved you" was lame as hell though.
• Super Samoan Drop wins it. 
• 9 minute match.

WWE Championship
AJ Styles (c) defeated Shinsuke Nakamura to retain the Championship
6/10

• Nakamura clearly paying homage to The Great Khali with those pants
• Nina Strauss plays Nakamura out to the ring. They always give him the star treatment.
• Styles opens with a big knee to the face. Not long after, he hits a perfect dropkick. 
• This is slower paced than I'd expected. Nakamura cracks Styles off the second rope with a big kick and taunts.
• Styles gets a sliding forearm that is more like a body press.
• Nakamura counters a Phenomenal Forearm with a Landslide.
• Styles goes after the knee, or as Graves calls it "the MCL."
• Calf Crusher is reversed into a triangle, and Graves does a good job mentioning that Nakamura's legs may be too damaged to lock it in. AJ Styles just his a Snow Plow to get out.
• A Phenomenal Forearm connects, but Nakamura kicks out at 2.9! 
• Nakamura goes to the back of the head with knees after stopping a Styles 450.
• Styles counters a Kinshasa with Styles Clash and wins.
• Far from a dream match. That was a Smackdown main event match from mid-October
• After the match, Nakamura punches Styles RIGHT in the community!!! Heel turn, and a needed one for Nakamura. 
• Knee to face.
• The match went just over 20 minutes, and it didn't feel it. For better or for worse. It never got out of second gear.

WWE Raw Tag Team Championships
Braun Strowman & Nicholas defeated The Bar (c) to become champions
3.5/10

• The Bar great a great Mardi Gras float entrance, which Braun destroys.
• Braun says his teammate will be a fan. This is not what got Braun Strowman over. 
• He picks a kid named Nicholas. This is one of the dumbest goddamn things I've ever seen in wrestling. WWE gets a guy over as a monster, a top guy. It's not the top guy they want, though, so he becomes a teddy bear.
• Braun does his chokeslam to to Cesaro, but is beaten down by Cesaro & Sheamus, who hit the Quebecers old finish.
• I was here for Nicholas' hot tag offense, but WWE couldn't even give us that. C'mon. At least pay it off
• Good for the kid.
• Nicholas is going to Vince like "so how does my Mania payoff work with this Network shit?"

WWE Universal Championship
Brock Lesnar (c) (w/ Paul Heyman) defeated Roman Reigns to retain the title
5.25/10

• I hope Carmella cashes in.
• German Suplexes, Superman Punches, this had to start like this. 
• Lesnar goes to belly to belly Roman, but Reigns goes face first into the edge of the table. Suplexes don't work like that.
• Lesnar is just deadlifting Reigns at this point.
• Reigns tackles Lesnar into the tables, then gets a spear for two in the ring.
• Lesnar stops another with a great high knee. F5. Kickout. F5 part 2. Kickout. F5 part 3. Kickout. Then he says "MOTHERFUCKER." F5 through a table. F5 number 5. Kickout.
• "This is awful" chants.
• Reigns is bleeding heavily. Spear, kickout.
• Another F5 does it, and Lesnar wins.