OFF THE TRACKS WITH SRS: Stokely Hathaway Tries To Cut Matt Riddle’s Hair, Gets Fingers Broken Instead — BUT WHY?

Welcome to OFF THE TRACKS WITH SRS. The article I write on slow news days and shamelessly steal Alex Pawlowski's theme, because he's better established the series than I. Today we look at Stokely Hathaway's latest attempt to thwart his arch nemesis Matt Riddle. Was it jealousy? Greed? Anger? What was Big Stoke's motivation in trying to commit this crime? I have a theory:

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It hasn't been a loaded week of wrestling news. However, Stokely Hathaway looked to change that.

While at this weekend's EVOLVE shows, manager extraordinaire Stokely Hathaway posted a photo indicating that he would cut Matt Riddle's signature locks if he managed to get to 500 retweets. See exhibit A below.

Stokely ended up working himself into a shoot, as the tweet got the minimum required retweets during Sunday's show. When Hathaway attempted to make good on his word, Riddle caught him and subsequently "broke his fingers." Such is life.

When reached for comment on the situation, Hathaway simply said "I tried." However, when I followed up and asked if he planned on reimbursing the fans for their hard earned retweets, or if he'd settle for being the Jeff Katz of wrestling managers he replied "WTH," probably because his fingers were broken.

Matt Riddle, who once encouraged this writer to stay the course with hair growth because "there are people in the world who wished they could grow their hair, bro," narrowly escaped the clutches of Stokely. It wasn't the first time, and likely won't be the last time they've thwarted one another. Just over a year ago, Hathaway made a run in on Riddle's very own Brocast, which aired on this site. You can check that out above. 

Let's not forget the violent attack on Hathaway that resulted in a "chipped tooth and nerve damage."

There are one of two possible scenarios in which went down here. The first being that Hathaway simply would sell the hair on eBay. That seems like something he would do, and we have pretty clear evidence of that. 

You all aren't seeing the clear picture, though. Stokely has been clearly moping about the impending WWE signing of Keith Lee. For all of their ups and downs, Stokely doesn't want to see Lee go — but I think it's for selfish reasons. Hathaway wanted to ruin Keith Lee's life, then eventually lead some brutal attack on him. So what was the plan?

Riddle's near-WWE signing is no secret. WWE opted to pass on him due to his past with marijuana. Stokely, knowing this, tried to gain a sample of Riddle's hair HOPING that nothing had changed. Despite the fact that Lee and Riddle's hair are nothing alike in color or texture, Stokely was out of options. Inside, he's a broken man. His plan was to plant the hair, hope Lee got the Dikembe Mutombo finger was from Paul Levesque and be sent on his merry way. 

All was for naught. But here's what it would have looked like had Hathaway been successful.

However, I'm hearing that Hathaway has since learned that WWE actually uses blood and/or urine (not mixed together) for their testing methods. I'm not really sure how he'd go about procuring those samples from Riddle to ruin things. 

Of course, very little to this story is actually true, but you can blame the wrestling industry for a slow news Monday. Make sure to check out our riveting story about Kentucky Tater Farms from this week. It's a good thing I finished this just before the news of Smackdown Live to Fox.