Welcome to the Mid-Week Wrestling Wrap-Up.

Circumstances this week have dictated that everything got pushed back a day or two on my end.
Sorry about that.

Let’s go through all the happenings from Wednesday and Thursday,
in NXT, The CWC, Lucha Underground and TNA Impact.

NXT

The Main Story:

We’re in a holding pattern here, people.

Seems like they want to save Nak-Joe II for Takeover Toronto on Survivor Series weekend and they have over two full months to fill between now and then and they have no idea how to do it.

So they’re going to give us Samoa Joe looking constipated on commentary while Shinsuke-Nakamura slums around with a cross between G.I. Joe and Carl-Yazstremski-With-The-Big-Sideburns.

“I don’t care if you like me, I don’t care if you love me, and I fer damn sure don’t care if you hate me.”

I don’t know, maybe it’s because I know the spoilers for this whole round of tapings, but I wasn’t buying Joe’s “Nakamura is a great striker and he beat me fair and square in Brooklyn and I guess I’ve got to get better if I want that title back, may the best man win, old sport” routine.

Am I the only one who is kinda sorta low key done with Nakamura’s cocky champ act at this point?

I mean, he mops the canvas with ol’ Muttonchop Yaz in less time than it takes to make a Hot Pocket, then taunts Joe from inside the ring. Joe grinds his teeth a little, which must hurt like hell on his totally definitely actually dislocated and then relocated jaw, then gets up and walks to the back as Nakamura continues to gloat. Nakamura is kind of a dick, you guys.

And with Joe sidelined with a bunch of b.s. kayfabe injuries so they can stretch the rematch build out till practically Thanksgiving, Nakamura is facing guys like Steve “Wishes he was Jay” Cutler and who else? Oney Lorcan? Tino Sabbatelli? Blake & Murphy in a handicap match where they turn on each other and Nak Kinshasas both of them at the same time? Actually, yeah, let’s do that last one. That sounds dope.

But my point remains. Nak has no suitable secondary challenger with Joe on the shelf, and that makes for a very boring championship reign.

---

The Women’s Division:

Anybody else think it kind of odd that, with Asuka as Champ, we have basically the female version of what I just described?

Cocky babyface champ, Japanese, flamboyant, with no real qualified contenders.

I mean, I know we’ll get there–Ember Moon, Nikki Cross Glenncross Storm, even my personal fave Aliyah, they could all emerge as serious challengers down the line, but when? How long are they really going to wait to call up Asuka to the main roster? Is she still going to be defending that title when it’s time for NXT Takeover Brooklyn III: The Brook Knight Rises?

I mean, Asuka is undefeated in NXT. Her first loss is going to be really important. They can’t just give that away. They can’t just run with the main roster non-title match standard “BLANK has pinned the Women’s Champion!” Liv Morgan isn’t going to get some meaningless distraction roll-up. The only way Asuka loses is if she loses that belt.

They’ve really booked themselves into a corner with this thing. And in that corner is a cage and they’ve booked themselves into that cage, too. And that cage is made of Adamantium. And having been booked into that cage, the cage is going to then be placed in an airtight box and that box is going to be dropped in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Try booking yourself out of that, bookers.

I mean, it’s going to be Ember Moon who beats her. I think we all believe that at this point. I certainly do, and while my own proclivities are well known and my predisposition in favor of Japanese Nightmare Clown vs Werewolf Assassin is well documented, I don’t think Ember is there quite yet. Maybe, maybe by Takeover Toronto in November, she will be. Maybe. But that would mean she’d be ready to carry the entire Women’s Division on her shoulders, and that’s a tall order for a performer who has yet to speak a word on an episode of NXT.

They have her wrestling a woman named Leah Von this week. Leah Von looks like what would happen if 25 year old Shirley Temple got in a time machine, traveled to 2016 and someone taught her how to take an O-Face.

Congratulations Shirley. You passed the test with flying colors.

Ember Moon is still the only girl on the NXT roster who has any business in the ring with Asuka at this point, so we’ll have to see if anyone else steps up.

---

The Mid-Card

Just pair up Austin Aries with Bobby Roode and Andrade Almas with No Way Jose already, then have them choose up teams for an NXT Traditional Survivor Series Match. If you’re serious about making Steve Cutler into something, the perfect role for him is as goon/stooge for Aries & Roode. Throw in a debuting Riddick Moss as a second henchman and you’re gold. Almas and Jose should recruit the House Show duo of Tucker Knight and Noko Bogojevic. These two behemoths call themselves “Heavy Machinery” which, if you know what a sucker I am for a clever tag team name, is just my heart. Niko may have a last name that’s a mouth full, but just go with Brother Dozer. Here he is at the Performance Center combine doing 45 reps of 225 pounds, which would put him at Third Place all time in the NFL Combine record books.

That’s impressive.

As an added bonus, you could have a montage of Jose and Almas teaching the two big boys how to dance, so they’d be prepared for their big entrance. Nothing better than watching big dudes earnestly try to dance well. Like Kevin Bacon giving dance lessons to Chris Penn in Footloose, but with more wrestlers.

Yeah. Like that.

These things also happened …

Just Sign Tony Nese Already.

He’s great. Great great great. Sign him.

And give TM61 a new name. They are spectacular in the ring, and deserve to be called something awesome. Something like oh, I don’t know, THE MIGHTY DON’T KNEEL.

*sigh*

Tantric Turn.

Man, they are dragging this out for such a long time, when Ciampa finally turns on Gargano the payoff is going to be frigging ORGASMIC.

Or maybe that’s just me.

It’s just me, isn’t it?

They’ve got a tag match (against who, we don’t know yet) set for the Live Broadcast of the CWC, and personally I can’t think of a better time for this turn to happen.

But then again, I’m impatient.

---

CWC

Best Friends Forever.

I’m a total sucker for when friends fight in the ring like a couple of rabid dogs, then hug it out afterwards.

Total sucker. I love this kind of thing.

I finally feel vindicated about Noam Dar. Back when I wrote my huge Bracketology Preview, my research told me that Dar was one of the top guys in the whole tournament. Unfortunately, he was saddled with two of the worst guys in the field to work with in Rounds 1 & 2. He couldn’t carry the matches by himself. In this one, he had help, and it was just two old friends trying to tear each other’s limbs off for fifteen minutes. I loved it. The finish was awesome and brutal.

Sabre’s arms were too damaged to lock in the Rings of Saturn, so he did it WITH HIS LEGS.

A damned wizard.

Swann and Perkins was just as good, if not better. I loved their one-upsmanship with the dabbing early on, and the storytelling of Swann injuring his knee on a moonsault to the outside and that injury carrying through to the finish, while not exactly re-inventing the wheel, was executed to near perfection.

Can’t wait to see these guys in the Cruiserweight Division on Raw in a week.

The format of the Final Episode intrigues me. It’s 2 hours long, being broadcast Live on the Network and features both Final Four Matchups, at least one interlude fight (probably more), and the Final match, which will almost undoubtedly come down to Sabre Jr and Kota Ibushi.

My god that’s going to be intense. I can’t wait.

And if you can’t wait for more Cruiserweight action, you’re in luck. The WWE posted a couple extra matches, recorded during the CWC tapings a while ago.

The first one features a GREAT match between CWC darling Cedric Alexander and NXT up and comer Oney Lorcan (Biff Busick):

The second video is only available on wwe.com and is a tag match featuring Lince Dorado & Kenneth Johnson vs Drew Gulak & my man Tony Nese. There are a couple great spots in there and the finish is pretty dope. Highly recommended.

---

Lucha Underground

Here’s what you need to know.

The charges against Dario have been dropped and he’s out of jail. On his way out, he reclaims his property from The Honky Tonk man, including:

“One giant key.”

Once he’s been formally released, he gets into a waiting limo where he meats Councilman Renegade (Lorenzo Llamas) and THE DARK LORD (Dr. Claw from Inspector Gadget).

Dr. Claw DARK LORD informs Dario that the next time he wastes the DARK LORD’S time, Dario’s next sentence …

So Dario goes right back to doing what he was doing before, with a fun new wrinkle: Now he’s got a big spinny wheel that decides who his brother Matanza will try to murder each week. The spinny wheel is called:

This week the spinny wheel lands on Son of Havoc.

He and Matanza have a great match, and Havoc is able to get a lot of innovative offense in:

But alas, Matanza is just too overpowered, and once he hits the Wrath of the Gods, it’s OVAH.

Better luck next time, EVERYONE ELSE ON THE ROSTER.

The Worldwide Underground barges into Dario’s office and Johnny Mundo demands a title match. Dario reminds them that they lost the Trios Titles the last time they were in the ring; why does Johnny deserve a title shot after that?

Johnny says it was only because Angelico attacked him during the match, and he’s not wrong. But he says, that won’t be happening again, since they already dealt with Angelico.

FLASH BACK.

Flashback to the entirety of Worldwide Underground ambushing Angelico and slamming his leg in a car door.

It’s excellent.

The payoff of this is that Taya gets a shot at Sexy Star’s Gift of the Gods title, with is like their Money in the Bank briefcase.

The rest of her buddies in the WWUG get involved, Sexy gets the win but is getting beaten down after the match, and the WWUG’s mortal enemies, Aero Star, Drago & Fenix, who beat them for the Trios Titles, run in to make the save.

This is gonna get really good, really quick.

Ivellisse (pronounced Evil-Lease for you newbies) challenges Catrina, the personification of death, to a match at Ultima Lucha 3, which is like TEN MONTHS FROM NOW.

That’s like almost John Cena vs The Rock levels of build-up. Can these two ladies handle the pressure? Hell yeah they can.

Marty The Moth (aka the creepiest creep who ever creeped) wants a bigger role at The Temple. Dario says first you have some unfinished business with Killshot. Marty and Killshot are going to face off next week in the first ever “Weapons of Mass Destruction” match.

You heard right. Lucha Underground is going NUCLEAR.

Can’t wait.

Now we come to the main event.

Just click play on that glorious, wonderful thing. It’s so great.

Near the end of the match, Pentagon starts mad dogging his former master Vampiro from inside the ring. Vampiro just gets up from his spot on commentary and walks out of the arena.

Pentagon, having successfully distracted himself, takes the 619 and a Mexican Destroyer from Mysterio.

Of course, Pentagon attacks Mysterio after the match, and gets into position to break Rey’s arm. El Dragon Azteca Jr, who had his arm broke by Pentagon at the end of Season 2, runs in to make the save.

I hope we get a lot more of Team Mysterio vs Pentagon this year. Pentagon should try to turn Dragon Azteca to the dark side, pit pupil against mentor. Do this for me. I beg of you.

So quick backstory: Prince Puma’s mentor used to be Konnan.

Yup. THAT Konnan.

Konnan kayfabe died at the end of Season 1 when he was put inside a coffin, because that’s how these kinds of things work in Lucha Underground.

Since then Prince Puma hasn’t been the same. He was the first ever LU Champion, then dropped into the mid card for most of Season 2, before main eventing Ultima Lucha 2 with a super sick match against Rey Mysterio. He lost that match and apparently, a lot of his confidence.

Vampiro, who always hated Konnan, shows up in the locker room to rap with Puma about some things:

“How about a few words of advice? You haven’t been the same since you lost to Mil Muertes. I mean, not only did he take your mentor from you, he took you from you. You wanna be Prince Puma again, you wanna be the man again, you gotta take out Mil Muertes.”

“I’m surprised you’re not asking me to take out Pentagon for you.”

“Hey brother, this ain’t about me. This is all about you.”

Is Vamp just being kindly old unsolicited advice guy, or is there something more sinister at play here?

Well, let’s remember that this is what we’re dealing with:

Yeah, call me crazy, but I don’t trust the guy whose alter ego is “Teeth Gnashing Demon Pope.”

---

TNA Impact

I LOVE BROKEN MATT HARDY.

I love all of this.

If you have not watched, please do. You simply must.

It’s a B-Movie Horror Flick from 1987.

We need more of that in our mainstream wrestling in 2016.

---

Until Next Time, I’ve been Alex Pawlowski
and this was me realizing that the main event
was going to be Mysterio vs Pentagon

You can follow me on Twitter @pawlowskithe4th