Welcome to the M.E.S.S. Round-Up

I watch Main Event & Superstars so you don't have to.

This past week, I went on vacation.
The wife and I celebrated our 3 year wedding anniversary in Niagara Falls, Canada.
We had a great time, it was very relaxing, and I returned home Sunday Night
ready to get back to the grindstone.

I was greeted with these episodes of Main Event & Superstars.

I need another vacation.

This will be a quick recap, as I'm trying to catch up on stuff I missed from last week, but that's fine since WWE has just given up on trying to show us anything new on these shows.

This week on Superstars

Shining Stars vs Two Jobbers
Darren Young vs Jinder Mahal

 

Go Back to Puerto Rico:
The Shining Star of the Caribbean.

This is not the match from this past week, but it might as well have been.

Zero Stars.

Which appears to be the same review that Tom Phillips is giving Primo & Epico's timeshare property on Trip Advisor.

By the way, is it a good thing that WWE Creative finally gave the Shining Stars a heel gimmick as time share salesmen instead of just guys who like Puerto Rico?

Or is it a bad thing that it took them like 6 months to figure it out?

WINNERS: Shining Stars via The Shining Star

Are these guys feuding … or … what's the deal with that?

So here's my idea. 

If you're going to banish certain guys to Superstars or Main Event, then have them wrestle the same opponent over and over again, why not just have them run a program?

Or like a Best of Five or something?

I'd be less tired of seeing Jinder vs DY every week if there was something at stake, you know?

So this is the finish:

Just kidding that was the finish of the match they had on Superstars last week.

But it doesn't matter, because next week, when they have a match again, neither Phil Tomlips or Corey Graves will reference that these two appear to be locked in a blood rivalry of some sort for no reason whatsoever.

WINNER: Darren Young via The Checking of Guts

P.S. This can't have been what they brought Bob Backlund out of mothballs for.
Months of weird split-screen promo vignettes followed by a weirdly booked IC Title Shot, leading into a series of matches on Superstars vs Jinder Mahal.

Congratulations, Bob.
Welcome back.

_____________________________________________________

This week on Main Event

The Hype Bros vs The Vaudevillains
Jack Swagger vs Tyler Breeze

Don't feud these guys tho, k?

These matches are incapable of being interesting, no matter how hard Mojo Rawley accuses Aiden and Simon of being in the state of unhyped-ness.

That match up there from SmackDown two weeks ago is basically a carbon copy of this one, with one notable exception:

THIS IS NOT A DRILL, PEOPLE.

Mojo Rawley is wrestling in PINK ZUBAZ BOARDSHORTS.

We have officially reached Peak Mojo.

Mojo is so Mojo, he is now a parody of himself.

Here is the finish, which is admittedly kind of fun:

WINNERS: The Brothers of Hype via Zack Ryder's Junk in Aiden English's Face

P.S. At this point, just release the Vaudevillains so they can go be huge stars in like Chikara or something.

I agree, their gimmick is never going to get over with a casual WWE audience, but that doesn't mean it won't work at all.

Just not here.

Not ever.

Poor guys.

Swagger jumped ship from Raw to SmackDown.
Or more accurately, from Superstars to Main Event.

I was going to say he deserves better, but of course, he really doesn't.

Tyler Breeze does, though.

He deserves 1,000,000% better than this:

WINNER: Jack Swagger via being a lazy wrestler who somehow still gets a pop from crowds who are nostalgic for early 2013 for some reason.

And if you're wondering where Fandango is, so is Tyler Breeze:

THIS IS AMAZING.
I want Tyler Breeze to become a one-man Scooby Doo gang.

We've got to form a search party, put up flyers, whatever it take to get Fandango back!
Quick, someone start a hashtag!

#BringBackOurDango
#FindDango

Until Next Time, I've been Alex Pawlowski
and this is me looking for clues
about Fandango's disappearance.

You can follow me on Twitter @pawlowskithe4th