Main Event Recap, 8/3: Breezus Saves, Ascension Currently Not Hype

Welcome to the Main Event Recap where I watch Main Event so you won’t have to.

Previously on Main Event: 

• The Hype Bros made their debut and Got Stayed Hype all up in the Vaudevillains grill.
• Tyler Breeze was superkicked to death and somehow still beat Jey Uso.

On This Week’s Episode:

Basically a re-run of last week.

Tyler Breeze vs Jey Uso
The Hype Bros vs The Vaudevillains The Ascension

Okay, so not totally a re-run, but really, aren’t The Vaudevillains effectively interchangeable with The Ascension at this point?

And don’t be fooled, the video at the top is from last week’s Main Event, but it’s still a fun match, so feel free to watch it.

Have you accepted Breezus as your Lord and Savior?

I have. And it’s awesome.

I really feel like when it comes to having your head kicked off your shoulders through the whole match, then using slightly underhanded means to hit your surprise finisher for the win, nobody does it better than Tyler Breeze.

I love how at times he seems borderline incompetent, wildly missing an Enzuigiri only to get hit with one in return.

Thankfully he’s wrestling Jey Uso, who actually is incompetent.  Watch the how the finishing sequence of the match begins, where he nails Breeze with a superkick, then instead of going for the pinfall, he inexpicably Suicide Dives onto Fandango, who really was just minding his own business on the outside.

I mean, cool move and all, Jey, but that guy you hit with it isn’t actually your opponent, and hasn’t involved himself in the match yet.

YET.

Perfectly reasonable action by Fandango, considering that Jey started it. Also, Fandango’s apparently been taking selling lessons from his tag partner.  Proud of him. One should always try to learn from the best.

Anyway, Jey now tries to get back in the ring (a ring he never should have made the decision to get out of, by the way), and gets caught.  First with an Enzuigri, and then something worse.

Breeze traps Jey’s head in the ring ropes and Superkicks him right between the eyes.

He’s been doing that head trap, between the legs, in the turnbuckle thing for a while, including just last week, to this same guy:

And now this new variation. Where’s he going to trap Jey Uso’s head next?  In between the steps and the ringpost? Tune in to Main Event next week to find out probably.

WINNER: Tyler Breeze by Pinfall.

Wait, that can’t be right. That’s an old picture of Zack Ryder.
He hasn’t looked like that in months.
Here, let me fix it.

There. That’s better. 

They Don’t Attain a State of Elevated Readiness,
They MAINTAIN a State of Elevated Readiness.

First of all, no your eyes don’t deceive you. Yes, Zack Ryder is wearing Sunglasses with Hype Bros written on the lenses.

This is a throwback to the days of yore, when obnoxious tag teams wore glasses they couldn’t see out of.  

Good times.

So I guess WWE Creative passed on my idea that The Ascension should be repackaged as the Niles and Frasier Crane of the Supervillain World, getting everyone to come buy real estate in the Wasteland.  They have trees, you know.

Anyway, they’re still jobbing to babyface tag teams on Main Event. Poor guys.

This match has many of the same beats as the Hype Bros’ match last week with The Vaudevillains, because the V’Villains, who were Tag Champs in NXT as recently as last October, and had a two-on-two straight-up match for the Tag Belts at Extreme Rules on May 29, and were one of 4 teams with an equal shot at the titles at Money in the Bank on June 14th, are now just jobbing to guys by late July. Equal to the Ascension, NXT tag champs for a full calendar year in 2014. 

I guess what I’m saying is, don’t get too used to this winning streak, Hype Bros.

Where was I? Oh right, the match.

Yeah so the good guys are in control until the bad guys distract one of the good guys and then the bad guys take control, keeping one of the good guys (Zack Ryder in this case) beaten down on their side of the ring.  Eventually he fights back enough to make the tag to his partner, (in this example, Mojo Rawley) and his partner comes in and hits a lot of running shoulderblocks. This is what is known as a “Hot Tag.”

There. Now you’re all caught up.

Mojo does his crazy Discus Slap to Viktor, then just scares Konnor off the apron.

I know it’s not “cool” to like Mojo Rawley, but I can’t help it, you guys. I’m sorry. I’m so ashamed. I understand if you don’t want to read any more of my reviews.  

But here, look at this. His finisher isn’t just aggressively putting his butt on people anymore.

See? Isn’t that much better? According to Tom Phillips, who’s been taking terrible commentary lessons from Michael Cole, “He calls that the HyperDrive.”

And now for the finish, which I actually really love.  Konnor breaks up the pinfall, and then this happens.

That’s just great timing right there.

WINNER: The Hype Bros by Pinfall.

Final Verdict:

I like Tyler Breeze. I like The Hype Bros.  Both acts won their matches.  So that’s good. But can we for the love of Pete get some variation in these episodes? And how about a Women’s Match for Pete’s sake?

I don’t know who Pete is.  

7 out of 10.

Until next time, I’ve been Alex Pawlowski
and this is me waiting for a damn Women’s Match
on Main Event.

You can follow me on Twitter @pawlowskithe4th