Kelly Kelly Wedding Gets Approved By Test From BEYOND THE GRAVE
UPDATE: Kelly Kelly is in the news, showing up backstage at Raw and implying that she wants back in the WWE.
For the record, Fightful's WWE sources say they don't really have any interest in her wrestling, at least.
But this gives me an excuse to re-publish what turned out to be the very first "Off-Track With A-Train" article, in which Kelly Kelly got her wedding blessed by her old boyfriend Test FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE.
In case you missed it back in August, or even if you've already seen it and want a little pick-me-up for your Tuesday, enjoy!
And now, without further ado, a throwback to the very first
OFF-TRACK with A-TRAIN
So former WWE Diva Kelly Kelly is on some show on E! called WAGS. It's horrible. She went to some fake Medium who also has a terrible reality show and this little twerp told her that he talked to the ghost of Test and Test said that he was happy that Kelly Kelly moved on and got married.
Full Disclosure: I have never seen an episode of WAGS. I don't know what a WAG is, nor why there are multiple WAGS. I had forgotten Kelly Kelly existed.
Fightful boss Sean Ross Sapp assigned me this article and because I like him and because it was his birthday yesterday and because I guess he could fire me if I don't do what he says, I am writing about this YouTube video.
I told him that I would only do this if I didn't have to watch anything other than the stupid clip and that I refused to do any research.
His response?: "just troll the balls off of it."
Sean Ross Sapp is the best boss in the world you guys.
Trolling to commence in 3.
2.
1.
I don't even know what the hell I'm watching.
An effeminate little dweeb scribbling on a sketch pad because he thinks that makes him look more authentic.
This is Tyler Henry, and apparently he is the "Hollywood Medium." I know this because the YouTube description says so.
That is all the research I'm going to do, and even that was pushing it.
Did you know that Kelly Kelly's real name is Barbie Blank?
That's legit more ridiculous than "Kelly Kelly."
She's named Barbie, after the doll that she's trying to look like, and Blank, after what her mind is.
Kelly Barbie has brought friends along with her, and brother, they are not impressed.
The one on the left seems to be thinking, "Your story is more full of holes than my jeans, Medium."
The other two are thinking equally doubtful things, but I don't have jokes to describe them.
Anyway, this CHARLATAN Tyler Henry apparently knew who his client was going to be today and Googled her. So he knew she used to date a WWE Wrestler, that he died from a drug overdose, and that Kelly Kelly got married to some other dude in February.
So this QUACK cold reads her, and LIES to her that he when he was communing with the spirit world as he was doodling, he just talked to "a man who feels that he passed away from his perspective, before the prime of his life."
So this is what he did after he did 5 minutes of research on Kelly Kelly.
He Googled: "Wrestler Test death"
33 years old. Checks out.
"He's talking about how he knew what happened in February."
He Googled: "Kelly Kelly wedding"
She got married in February to some hockey player.
And then he tells Kelly Barbie Kelly Blank that "this man" is very excited for her and "he's acknowledging joy that you moved on."
Blondie Vacant Stare breaks into tears immediately.
This FLIM FLAM MAN is careful to never mention that he knows that she got married, because ghosts are very vague. Everyone knows this.
If he were to give too many details, Barbie's friends would totally call him out for the HOAXING RAPSCALLION that he is.
Yup. Still unimpressed.
But when Kelly Kelly Blank Blank Barbie says "I just got married in February, actually," this SNAKE OIL SALESMAN says "Oh, wow, that's amazing" as if we don't know that he already knew that.
WE KNOW YOUR GAME, FLIM FLAMMER.
But Blank Mind Barbie doesn't.
End of video.
I'm dumber for having watched.
And I'm a worse person for having written an article about it.
I hope you're happy, Sean Ross Sapp.
