WWE Smackdown 8/28/20 Match Ratings From Sean Ross Sapp

CONTRACT SIGNING

• Adam Pearce is rallying the security corps.
• Pearce goes to see Vince McMahon. Vince McMahon sounding like Christian Bale as Batman these days.
• He wants Pearce to get signatures for the contract signing.
• Pearce shows up as a goddamn postman at Firefly Funhouse. This was pretty good. Wyatt
• Gulak is looking for Braun, too. He hits Braun with a chair at catering and tosses it to Pearce. Braun says he’ll sign if Pearce gives him Gulak in a match.
• Vince puts pressure on Pearce to get Roman. Roman is found and looks over the deal.
• Roman is backstage and says he’s going to win the title he never lost….that’s not a prediction, it’s a spoiler.
• PAUL HEYMAN IS WITH HIM!

WWE Intercontinental Title
Jeff Hardy (c) defeated Shinsuke Nakamura
6/10

• Jeff Hardy comes out and cuts a really lame promo about being tickled pink to be IC Champ…..because he has pink paint on him.
• AJ Styles comes out and is livid. He says he’s not making excuses and wants his rematch. Hardy says there’s an open challenge tonight for anyone but Styles, which upsets Styles further.
• Styles is on commentary, still mad.
• Nakamura takes the challenge. What a way to telegraph that the challenger won’t win — have them already have a title. Cesaro cuts a passive aggressive promo backstage.
• Nakamura goes after the knee of Hardy, but gets chucked over the commentary table into Styles.
• They timed some cuts to and from commercials very poorly.
• This match back from the commercial is much better. Whisper in the Wind and a spinning heel kick get traded.
• Twist of Fate and a Swanton beat Nakamura.
• I guess I just don’t understand WWE’s fetish with beating champions when there are other people on the roster. A fine match.
• Sami Zayn comes out DANCING. He’s back!! He says Jeff Hardy is a fraud and boots him in the face.
• Zayn tells Kayla the champions since he left and has plenty of valid reasons he hasn’t defended it, but he doesn’t wanna tell her.

Matt Riddle defeated Shorty G
SQUASH

• Riddle fist bumping the screens was great. I liked his pyro, too.
• Riddle cuts a lame promo, and Corbin cuts a lame promo, and Shorty G attacks Riddle.
• It doesn’t last long. Bro Derek.
• Corbin tries to attack, but can’t get the upper hand.
• More shitty king terminology.
• Corbin confirms a match for Payback.

Boss N Hug

• Bayley feels bad that Sasha Banks lost her title and blames herself.
• Bayley says it’s time for them to MOOOOOOOOOOve forward — because Sasha has cowprint pants. I cackled.
• Shayna and Nia pop up on the screen and say that they’ll win Sunday. Also, they don’t like each other.
• This was largely pointless, but Bayley and Sasha were good.

Cesaro (w/ Shinsuke Nakamura) defeated Kalisto
6/10

• Cesaro is telling Nakamura he needs him in his corner, and wishes he’d communicate with him better.
• They’re also upset about Sami Zayn not communicating with them. They don’t want him around. Zayn is pretending it’s okay.
• Kalisto doesn’t want Lucha House Party to help him. He says watch and learn……….then they get attacked by Cesaro and Nakamura.
• Cesaro is great and probably has the best instincts in wrestling.
• Kalisto hits two unbelievable moves. A slingshot springboard dragonrana to the outside, and then he stands on Cesaro’s shoulders and hits a DDT. Wow.
• Cesaro wins when Kalisto is distracted by LHP attacking Nakamura. Oops.

Braun Strowman defeated Drew Gulak
SQUASH

• Braun out there looking like Jeep Swensen.
• Braun out there looking like he’s about to manage the Hardy Boyz in 1999.
• Braun Strowman out there looking like he’s not going to join the military but will pose with a lot of guns on Facebook.
• He destroys Gulak, and it’s really good.
• Big powerslam, senton, ass whipping.

Other Stuff

• Tamina is wondering where Alexa Bliss is, and Nikki says she’s okay, but Alexa POPS UP. She’s wearing her pigtails, and Nikki says her hair being dreadlocked reminds her of the fiend. Alexa smashes Nikki’s mug on the floor.

Big E & Heavy Machinery defeated Miz, Morrison & Sheamus
5/10

• Big E is tough talking Miz & Morrison. Sheamus shows up whistling.
• Big E the underdog. I dunno if “Big E the underdog” is the way I’d go about this, but we’ll see. If anyone can pull that off, he can.
• Bayley shows up when Big E is hanging out with Heavy Machinery and jokes about them playing with their meat. She also makes a joke about some people only being able to handle the tag team title, and Sasha shoots her a look.
• Morrison is telling Miz he can kick at 70 MPH. Sheamus wants to go over strategy.
• At one point, Sheamus rings the bell. I dunno.
• Sheamus gets frustrated and leaves.
• Big E gets tagged in and hits suplexes aplenty.
• The goddamn Caterpillar. Otis is hit with the Skull Crushing Finale, though.
• Big Ending on Miz for the win.

Rating Guide
10- Perfect, 9- MOTY Territory, 8- Excellent, 7- Great, 6- Good, 5- Average to above average, 4- Slightly below average, 3 or below: Poor

Each match starts at a 5 and slides up and down based on entertainment, execution, time, environment, reaction and stakes. The ratings are in no way an indication of a “star rating,” which is a completely different system. A standard, non-offensive “TV match” lands at a 5. The gap between 5.75-6 is generally the largest, with anything reaching 6 being recommended viewing.
These are opinions, and incredibly inconsistent ones that may change upon a second viewing, or sitting on the match for a period of time. Don’t take them too seriously, and have (and share) your own!