AEW Power Rankings – Week 34: A New Nightmare Family, Genetically Superior Britt Baker

*These rankings are a satirical take on pro sports power rankings and treat AEW as such. Any reference to sources or reports should not be taken seriously. Quotes are not real.

AEW banded together on Wednesday amid protests across America. A meeting was held before the show with Tony Khan bringing everyone together to saw that AEW is against racism and that is why Hulk Hogan has been banned from shows. Khan says there is no place for racism in AEW and they will continue to remain diverse and inclusive, just as they’ve always been.

AEW Power Rankings – Week 34

1. Cody
Cody will continue to be a fighting champion as he’ll face Marq Quen next week. But the Nightmare Family is already worried about him as he was busted up during his match against Jungle Boy. Brandi is particularly concerned that Cody will wear himself out trying to prove that he’s the best. But Cody wants to wrestle every week because he wants to go down as one of the greats and feels like this is his opportunity to do exactly like.

2. Nyla Rose
Rose knew she needed a bounce-back performance after losing the Women’s Title to Hikaru Shida and wanted a tough opponent. She views Swole as one of the best competitors in AEW and thought a victory over her would allow her to maintain her position at the top of the women’s division. She was right. Expect her to get a re-match against Shida in the coming weeks.

3. Kenny Omega & Hangman Page
Omega was happy to have his tag team partner back and to finally defend the Tag Team Titles. Hangman was a little less excited. Hangman has not forgotten about Kenny teaming with Michael Nakazawa and Matt Hardy over the past couple of months. Hangman still feels insulted that Kenny felt he could replace him with Nakazawa and Hardy. “I spent months drinking and making sure I stayed full gear ready. And he thought it was cool to team with his friend and Michael Nakazawa? I forgive, but I don’t forget. Though I might forget depending on what I’m drinking and what you ask me. What was your question? Good day.”

4. Chris Jericho
Jericho wasn’t happy that Colt Cabana held him back last week and wanted to prove that he could have easily dominated Cabana if he wasn’t so focused on Tyson. He didn’t quite dominate Cabana on Wednesday, but he did show why he’s still one of the more dangerous competitors in AEW, blocking Cabana from achieving the victory and potentially boosting his stock. Jericho was even less thrilled that Orange Cassidy had the audacity to answer his call out of Mike Tyson. “He knows he’s not Mike Tyson, right? Stupid idiot.”

5. Brian Cage
Cage continues to build up to his peak for his Fyter Fest bout against Jon Moxley. As I reported last week, Taz doesn’t want Moxley to get any tape on Cage heading into Fyter Fest and his choosing opponents carefully. Cage would like to get in a little more ring time and test himself ahead of the Moxley bout, but he also trusts the guidance of Taz.

6. Orange Cassidy
The baddest man on the planet.

7. Jon Moxley
Moxley remains as confident as ever and certainly isn’t afraid of Cage. In fact, Moxley believes Cage is making a mistake by allowing Taz to schedule so many cupcakes. “AEW isn’t underground. If he wants to make an impact, he needs to test himself against the best. He’s gaining nothing with these matches. I can beat a bunch of Division III wrestlers as well. Watch on Tuesday.”

8. Britt Baker
Baker’s rehab is going well and she is still on track to return at All Out. It’s possible that she could return sooner and Doctor Sampson has never seen someone progress the way she has, but Baker does not want to come back too early and suffer any setbacks. “If I really wanted to, I could return tomorrow. However, what does that prove? That I’m genetically superior? Please, genetics have nothing to do with it.”

9. Matt Hardy & Private Party
As you may have noticed, Private Party was elated to be invited to join Matt Hardy for training sessions. Isiah Kassidy & Marq Quen have looked up to Hardy since they were kids and feel it is an honor to join him at the Hardy compound to pick his mind and get some first-hand experience with one of the best tag team wrestlers of all-time. Quen is happy to be getting an AEW TNT Title match next week but is also a little worried. Despite saying his knee is 100%, sources have indicated to me that’s not the truth and he’s more banged up than leading on. A source close to Quen told me. “It’s a Steph Curry situation. If he wins next week, he was 100%. But if he loses, he was more like 60%.”

10. FTR
Cash Wheeler and Dax Harwood have made it no secret that they eventually want to face The Young Bucks. But first, they want to get their feet wet a little bit. “Everyone kept telling us that AEW had the best tag team division in the world. Let’s find out. We want to find out. We also want to make sure we know the AEW tag team rules because we’ve heard they are a little different than elsewhere. We don’t want The Young Bucks to have any unfair advantages when we finally face them. We’ll learn their rules, we’ll beat everyone they beat, and then we’ll beat them.”

11. Jungle Boy
Another solid outing by Jungle Boy that ultimately ended in defeat. There is a strong possibility that Jungle Boy moves on from Jurassic Express in the coming months as training with them just isn’t beneficial for him. There have been talks of Cody bringing in Jungle Boy and Darby Allin to the Nightmare Family, but those discussions are preliminary.

12. Jimmy Havoc & Kip Sabian
The two were encouraged by their performance against the Tag Team Champions and believe that with more time and training, they can become champions. I have been able to confirm that Havoc has been fined for using a wrench during the match.

13. Big Swole
Swole was happy to get in the ring and test herself against the former champion. She was angling for a match against Baker before Baker’s injury and still has a date with Baker circled on her calendar. Swole is pushing hard to be Baker’s opponent at All Out and most feel it’s certain that will be the match to be made.

14. Colt Cabana
Cabana is at a crossroads as Brodie Lee gave him a soft offer to join Dark Order. Cabana is currently weighing his options as he still has ties with SCU and is friends with Best Friends. Cabana was always meant to be a floater, but is wondering if that’s what is truly best for his career at the moment.

15. Shawn Dean
He was well compensated for taking the match.