CruiserWeight Classic Bracket Analysis Bonanza: Part THREE
Previously on the CWC Preview, we focused on the rivalry between Zack Sabre Jr. and Noam Dar, two of the best young wrestlers in the world.
Welcome to Part 3.
Follow along with your own bracket at home.
And now, without further ado:
The Top Right Quadrant: The “THE” Region
aka The Kota Ibushi Show
Raul Mendoza vs THE Brian Kendrick
I couldn’t find much on Raul Mendoza. Here he is talking (via a translator) about how excited he is to be wrestling in the CruiserWeightClassic. Seems like a nice enough guy. Too bad. Because he’s going home early.
Brian Kendrick is one of the true feel good stories of the tournament. He holds the record for the longest Tag Team reign in WWE, with Paul London, but about a year after he started a singles career, things turned bad for Brian.
“When I had the world in my hands, I let it slip through my fingers because I was busy patting myself on the back. I was released because I was an animal, and deservedly released. To have a second chance, it gives me a new lease on life because without wrestling, I’m just living. I’ve been wrestling since 1999 consistently, and it’s all leading up to this moment right now. If I fall short, then I guess that’s my life, falling short.”
Whoa. That’s dark. So anyway, he’s got a new lease on life training superstars at the Performance Center, and I think this might be a little rub from HHH as a “Thank You for trying your best to make Eva Marie not look like a total abomination.”
But the fact remains, in summer of 2009, he was future-endeavored, some say for repeatedly getting popped for marijuana use. And he must have been smoking the good stuff.
CLICK THIS LINK, AND PREPARE TO HAVE YOUR WORLD FOREVER CHANGED.
Turns out Brian Kendrick, or at least the Brian Kendrick of five years ago, believes that the killing of Osama Bin Laden was a hoax, that 9/11 was a hologram, and that the moon is a hollowed out organic space station that was towed here by a higher race of creatures to keep tabs on us, and uses an electron beam to make sure we never find out about the 4th Dimension. Seems legit.
Oh, and Atlantis was populated entirely by the Reptilians, and Lumeria was populated by the people of light, and they had a nuclear war and both continents sank to the bottom of the sea. And humans are a genetic experiment cross breed between the Reptilians and the Lumerians. Which, again, totally checks out.
And Obama is secretly a 7 foot tall lizard man. And there are 13 Bloodlines that interbreed with each other and those are the Illuminati.
I swear, all I did was do a Google video search for Brian Kendrick. This was on page 5.
The best part is the last thing he says, that “The Zionists” (oh boy, this is not good), yes “THE ZIONISTS” run things all over the world, and they have mystical powers that require upkeep from organic sources, so, he says “the Jewish medics were being flown into Haiti so soon after the earthquake happened, y’know so like the Zionists knew it was going to happen, so they flew the Jewish medics in there… I’m not saying the medics were in on it, but the Zionists were there to collect body parts, to collect eyeballs, if I’m not mistaken …”
He actually said that. “To collect eyeballs. If I am not. MISTAKEN.”
Welp. You might be, Bri. You just might be.
Anyone who did enough drugs to give that interview and yet still survived, or who is crazy enough to actually believe that stuff, and who is now fighting to prove that his life is not “falling short,” that person is not going out in the first round.
Pick: Brian Kendrick
Anthony Bennett vs Tony Nese
Anthony Bennett is a super athletic young man with a hi-top fade so high, it needs its own pair of shutter shades.
There’s a “future so bright” joke in here somewhere too, but I’m too lazy to make it.
Oh no, wait, I got it. “Bennett’s future may be bright, but his present is dark as f*ck.”
That’s cause he’s wrestling Tony Nese in the first round and Tony don’t play that.
Tony Nese’s abs have abs and his biceps have biceps. Here he is wrestling Lucha Underground’s “The Darewolf” P.J. Black (it starts getting good around the 5:35 mark). Part of his shtick is that he’s “a cruiserweight who hits like a heavyweight,” and I’m not gonna argue with the guy.
Pick: Tony Nese
Kota Ibushi vs Sean Maluta
Sean Maluta is Samoan. So, according to the ‘E, he’s probably the Rock’s cousin. Or at least the Usos’s father’s brother’s nephew’s cousin’s former roommate. Or something. If they ever sign him, they’ll figure it out. He’s got a wicked savate kick. Here he is in a Street Fight with somebody named Wildman Rojas. Maluta is a talented dude.
But he is getting absolutely SACRIFICED to Kota Ibushi.
Kota Ibushi is flat out amazing. Check out this finishing sequence from a match with El Generico (Sami Zayn, for you n00bs out there.)
Here’s highlights of him wrestling Shinsuke Nakamura.
And finally, here are some highlights of his match with a blow-up doll. If you haven’t seen this, I can’t recommend it highly enough. My recommendation is higher than Brian Kendrick. I am not kidding when I say that this match between Kota Ibushi and—and I can’t stress this enough—A FREAKING BLOW-UP DOLL, is better than anything you will see on Monday Night RAW.
Kota Ibushi is a wizard in the ring, and he’s not losing until the finals (if he loses at all.)
Pick: Kota Ibushi
Cedric Alexander vs Clement Petiot
Cedric Alexander is freaking fantastic. Clement Petiot is French.
Surrendering won’t help though, cuz Cedric Alexander takes no prisoners, yo. He really is phenomenal, and if he wasn’t facing Kota Ibushi in the second round, I might have him going all the way to the finals.
Oh, and as a Thank You gift to all of you for reading this far, I have linked to a match between Cedric Alexander and AJ Styles from 2014. Kevin Owens is on commentary.
Pick: Cedric Alexander
2nd Round
Brian Kendrick over Tony Nese
If it was Cedric Alexander facing Kendrick here, I think Alexander wins, but I believe that Kendrick’s reptilian redemption story continues past Tony Nese.
Kota Ibushi vs Cedric Alexander
My god, this match has the potential to be a real show stealer, no matter who else is on the card, but Ibushi’s taking it. I think he’s on a collision course with Zack Sabre, and it’s gonna be amazing.
Regional Final:
Look, personally I wouldn’t have Kendrick in this tournament at all. His spot could have gone to any number of young talents. But I get why they’d be giving him a little rub. Dude took his future endeavoring like a champ, manned up, and got back in the ring to help younger wrestlers get better. That’s a humbling, selfless task and it deserves a pat on the back.
But, for real, Brian is getting WORKED by Kota Ibushi in this match. It’ll be a great in-ring story, too, as I think Ibushi will be forced to wrestle heel, and that’s gonna be LIT, fam.
Prediction: KOTA IBUSHI
And Finally, click here for Part 4.
