Sean Raw Sapp (8/28): Match Ratings, Battle Royal, More!

IC Title Contender Battle Royal
Jeff Hardy wins

• Miz is in the ring, but is interrupted by Kurt Angle who says there will be an IC title match at No Mercy and next week on Raw.
• Battle royal time! Hardys, Big Show, Elias, Finn Balor, Jordan, Good Brothers, Among others.
• Gallows, Anderson…..and Balor eliminate Big Show. This is a tease.
• A battle royal is a nice way to set up easy filler matches, or start feuds and alliances. 
• We get the random Bray Wyatt attack and he eliminates Finn Balor and disappears. Dumb.
• Jason Jordan goes full veteran mode, rolling Jeff Hardy out of the way of blowing a spot.
• Jordan eliminates like three people, but then Hardy tosses him over.
• Fun stuff.

Enzo Amore defeated Noam Dar
3.75/10

• Enzo announces his own opponent, GNOME DAR!
• Enzo got in his Conor McGregor reference.
• They're doing an angle where Enzo has to keep making weight. That could be fun.
• Enzo is such a fantastic seller that he makes Dar look vicious.
• Enzo wins with Eat Defeat.
• Neville is unconcerned. I have no clue why Tozawa ever beat him for the title at this point. Dumb call. 

Brock and Heyman promo

• The real story of this promo is that it leads to Brock cutting Heyman off.
• After Heyman puts over Braun Strowman, Lesnar says he's taking him to Suplex City and drops the mic.
• Effective.

Cesaro (w/ Sheamus) defeated Seth Rollins (w/ Dean Ambrose)
4.75/10

• A pointless, but surely fundamentally sound match. Normally I'd say the winner picks the stipulation, but they just did that with the Hardy Boyz during the last feud. 
• The Rollins Buckle Bomb was SUPER janky.
• I'm glad Cesaro got a win with an uppercut. Nakamura got one with the Triangle choke last week. Solidify these moves!
• Sheamus tells Dean Ambrose they're up next.

Dean Ambrose (w/ Seth Rollins) defeated Sheamus (w/ Cesaro)
5.25

• A cool stretch muffler into a sitdown powerbomb from Sheamus, who then attacks with the cloverleaf.
• Dean Ambrose connects with a Tornado DDT, Sheamus with a super rolling samoan drop.
• They're treating this like a PPV match, it's just not as good as one, unfortunately.
• There is a HILARIOUS finish where the ref pretends to not see Seth Rollins in the ring after he kneed Sheamus.

Social Media Match
Emma defeated Mickie James

• I find the idea of Emma obsessing over social media pretty funny. Mickie James is her victim this week. They have a stipulation. If Mickie wins, Emma can't say she started the Women's Revolution, if Emma wins, Mickie has to tweet a hashtag of Emma's choice.
• Emma has a shitty new theme.
• Emma wins pretty quickly after being kicked a few times. This match was nothing.
• She runs up the ramp saying "I started the women's revolution."

Contract signing

• John Cena says that Reigns is protected and afraid to fight him.
• Reigns tells Cena that he's not as big of a deal as he thinks he is. SOLID.
• Cena is acting like a guy who is worried about his spot when he really shouldn't be. He calls Reigns a Cena bootleg.
• John Cena facilitated a situation where both guys looked like dipshits.
• Roman Reigns says John Cena holds down talent, but he's the one guy Cena can't touch.
• They're CHOOTIN.
• Cena says it took Reigns five years to cut a half-decent promo. 
• My God.
• Cena says he barely main events anymore and he elevated the United States title, while Reigns took it as a demotion.
• Cena says he's there because Reigns can't do his job.
• I thought both Reigns and Cena came off looking like babies, but as it turns out, I'd watch babies land sick burns on each other all day.
• The Good Brothers come out and get a match.

John Cena & Roman Reigns defeated The Good Brothers 
5.5/10

• Reigns laughs as Cena gets kicked in the head.
• If I were WWE, I'd have Reigns switch gear, music, and stop beating off his hand before he punches people.
• Finishers in stereo. The BIG DOGGIES WIN!
• At this rate, Reigns & Cena are in line for a tag team title shot……………………………………………………………

Walk with Elias

• Elias is singing, interrupted by Jerry Lawler — new concept.
• Elias brings out Pelvis Wesley from Southaw Regional. My god. 
• He gets his ass kicked REAL PROPER.
• In true WWE form they bring somebody over from Southpaw Regional and JOB EM OUT.

Raw Women's Championship
Alexa Bliss defeated Sasha Banks (c) to win the Raw Women's Championship
6.75/10

• "It's Boss time" is one of Cole's more unusual intros.
• Alexa is really good and changing her look up little by little from week to week. 
• Sasha hits a cool flying double knees to the outside as we go to break.
• A hairsnap backbreaker. Damn. Later a sweet Infrared lands. 
• Continuing her awesome offense, Bliss hits a big superplex. You don't see that a lot out of the women.
• Banks Statement is reversed and Bliss pins Sasha. Outstanding match
• Nia Jax comes out and attacks Sasha. She turns on Alexa Bliss by hoisting her on her shoulders and slamming her.